Column by Kelly McKewin
College is hard. Sometimes you encounter a problem and you’re just completely unsure of what to do about it. You can call a friend or your mom and see what they say. But are they truly going to give you good advice? Are the people who care about you and know you best really the most qualified to be giving you life advice?
Honestly, they are. But seeing as you’re already reading this column, you, for whatever reason, are likely looking for outside opinions on some of the most common problems that crop up this time of year. And I’m here to provide that.
Of course, I can’t promise that my advice is any good. There will be no wisdom or heartfelt messages here, like you might get from your mom. If you manage to take a lesson or message away from this, it’s probably going to be some truly, awfully, incredibly bad advice. Follow my suggestions at your own risk.
Holiday Gifts
Holidays are on everyone’s mind this time of year. And with the approach of Christmas and Hanukkah, the biggest problem most people encounter is finding the perfect gifts for all of their family and friends. It can be tough—we’re all broke and unoriginal but still trying to find something better than a $12 candle to give our mom for the fifth year in a row.
Lucky for you, I’ve created the perfect holiday gift guide.
If you want to keep things simple, you can get everyone in your life the same thing. My recommendation: cat toys and a bag of shredded cheese. It sounds insane, but it’s truly the perfect thoughtful-yet-not-thoughtful gift. Lots of people have pets, so cat toys (or dog toys, if you really want to switch it up), come across as a fun gift that lets the recipient spend more quality time with their pet. Shredded cheese, on the other hand, is an upgrade on the classic gift of chocolate. It’s an almost universally accepted fact that people love cheese just as much as they love chocolate. But by going the cheese route instead, you stand out from the crowd as more original, while being sure the recipient will love their gift. Additionally, cheese is much cheaper than chocolate. For $20, you can buy about eight bags of shredded mozzarella, which is more than enough to provide for all the closest friends and family members in your life.
Of course, getting everyone the same thing might not work for you. If you want to be a little more specific with your gifts, try these suggestions:
For moms: Frame an embarrassing photo of yourself from childhood and give it to her. She’ll love it, you’ll grow to hate it—that photo will sit in your parent’s living room for the rest of eternity, and she’ll be sure to tell the story to anyone who will listen, forcing you to relive the moment over and over again.
For dads: Let’s be honest, dads are impossible to shop for. Unless you’re buying him a new wallet, a case of his favorite beer, or any other item you find on a list of “Great Father’s Day Gifts,” he’s probably just going to smile politely and accept whatever you get him, even if he’s wondering why the hell you bought it in the first place.
For siblings: Buy your siblings a t-shirt for whatever college they go to. Nothing says “We’ve lost touch and I’m not sure what you’re up to, other than college” like a generic t-shirt from a school they probably already have 50 shirts from. If they’re not in college, buy them a Miami shirt. At least you can match on Christmas morning.
For friends: Remember in middle school, when you’d go to the dollar section of Target and spend $20 buying your six closest friends who all secretly hated you a random assortment of colorful plastic items they probably never used? Relive those days now by doing the exact same thing—we’re not in middle school anymore, so your friends probably don’t actually hate you (probably).
For significant others: The easy solution here is to just not date anyone around Christmas. Is it lonely? Absolutely, but you save yourself the stress of finding the perfect gift. However, if you truly need something for a significant other, get them a toothbrush and some contact solution they can keep at your apartment—if they want to get any use out of their gifts, they’ll have to spend more time with you in the new year.
Finals
With finals coming up, it’s time to get serious about the semester. Sure you may not have paid attention in class for the past 15 weeks. You may not have even gone to all your classes for the past 15 weeks. But as any master procrastinator knows, there’s still time to turn it around.
To start, if you have no idea what’s going on in particular class, start by opening Canvas, and finding whatever Powerpoints or lecture notes you can. Open them up, and attempt to read them—and by attempt, I mean skim through them nonchalantly, definitely not taking in any of the actual information. You just have to hope that the random bullet points that stick out on each of the slides somehow end up being the only questions that come up on the exam.
You can aid in this process by going to the library and setting up for an all-day productive study session. Grab some coffee, wear comfortable clothes, set up your laptop in a quiet place where no one will bother you. There’s a 50-50 chance you’ll end up getting some work done if you follow this advice—with the right mindset and a good amount of motivation, you can get lots of studying done this way. Without that though…you may just end up falling asleep to Netflix in the library. You can’t be blamed for this: you’re comfortable! There’s no one around to keep you accountable! Why do the work when you can just hope for the best?
When it comes to actually taking your finals, be sure to stay up to an unreasonable hour the night before, especially if it’s in the morning. You can spend this time “studying” using the methods above if you want to feel responsible. You can also just...not, and spend the time doing literally anything else. That laundry you haven’t done since October? Perfect time to work on it. Searching for grad schools, even though you’re only a freshman and probably not going to grad school? A wonderful use of time. Watching the movie “Trolls” with your roommate six times in a row? Might as well. You’ve worked hard this semester and deserve to relax. Besides, the more you stress about a test, the more likely you are to crack under pressure. Doing nothing is a great way to ensure that doesn’t happen.
On Making the Most of Your J-Term
I can only imagine that J-Term is everyone’s favorite time of year. It’s exactly like summer break—only the weather is terrible, it’s harder to find a job that only needs you for six weeks, and none of your friends from high school are back in your hometown to hang out.
That said, it’s the perfect time to get work done that you don’t have time to do during the semester. It’s also a great opportunity to pick up a new hobby. Here’s a few things I suggest trying:
Travel: Everyone loves to travel, but it’s hard to plan a cheap vacation for yourself as a college student. If you can’t manage to book a study abroad trip or beach getaway this January, try going into a local motel in your hometown and hanging around the lobby instead. You’ll get those same vacation-y, hotel vibes without having to pay a thing or book a flight. It’ll be warm, you can people-watch to your heart’s desire, and you should be able to spend at least a few hours there before security asks you to leave.
Raccoon Catching: As I said earlier, everyone loves pets, and if you don’t have one at home, you can spend your J-Term trying to obtain one. Cats and dogs are the obvious choice, but require some commitment on your part—you have to find a way to care for them when you go back to school. If you want a more temporary solution, try luring the raccoons in your backyard into your house and treating them like cats for a few weeks. They’ll appreciate the care, and it’s easy to let them go when you have to come back to campus.
Knitting: I don’t know why people knit—it’s both an expensive and time-consuming hobby that you have to dedicate a lot of attention to. However, if you miss learning difficult things that require a lot of concentration, it could be the hobby for you.
Sleeping At Inappropriate Times: Nothing will upset your parents more than you going to bed at noon and waking up at 9 p.m. for weeks on end. This is a great hobby because it will guarantee you have something to talk (argue) about all break, but you’ll be catching up on sleep while you do it.
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